Xplan for all1/31/2024 It drives me nuts when my kids text me from another room in our house. I hate seeing people sit down to dinner together and then proceed to stare into their phones. Ever.)įor many of us parents, we lament the intrusion of technology into our relationships. Beyond that, he doesn’t have to say a word to us. That’s part of the lesson we try to teach our kids-we are our brother’s keeper, and sometimes we have to stand for those too weak to stand for themselves. (One caveat here is that Danny knows if someone is in danger, he has a moral obligation to speak up for their protection, no matter what it may cost him personally. This can be a hard thing for some parents (admit it, some of us are complete control-freaks) but I promise it might not only save them, but it will go a long way in building trust between you and your kid. The X-plan comes with the agreement that we will pass no judgments and ask no questions (even if he is 10 miles away from where he’s supposed to be). However, there’s one critical component to the X-plan: Once he’s been extracted from the trenches, Danny knows that he can tell us as much or as little as he wants … but it’s completely up to him. This is one of the most loving things we’ve ever given him, and it offers him a sense of security and confidence in a world that tends to beat our young people into submission. He has the freedom to protect himself while continuing to grow and learn to navigate his world. In short, Danny knows he has a way out at the same time, there’s no pressure on him to open himself to any social ridicule. I’m on my way.”Īt that point, Danny tells his friends that something’s happened at home, someone is coming to get him, and he has to leave. “Danny, something’s come up and I have to come get you right now.” When he answers, the conversation goes like this: Within a few minutes, they call Danny’s phone. The one who receives the text has a very basic script to follow. If anything about the situation makes him uncomfortable, all he has to do is text the letter “X” to any of us (his mother, me, his older brother or sister). Let’s say that my youngest, Danny, gets dropped off at a party. This simple, but powerful tool is a lifeline that our kids are free to use at any time. X-Planįor these reasons, we now have something called the “X-plan” in our family. As a teen, forcing down alcohol seemed a whole lot easier than offering myself up for punishment, endless nagging and interrogation, and the potential end of freedom as I knew it. I wasn’t supposed to be there in the first place. “Peer pressure” was a frivolous term for an often silent, but very real thing and I certainly couldn’t call my parents and ask them to rescue me. As an adult, that now seems silly, but it was my reality at the time. I still recall my first time drinking beer at a friend’s house in junior high school-I hated it, but I felt cornered. I can’t count the times sex, drugs, and alcohol came rushing into my young world I wasn’t ready for any of it, but I didn’t know how to escape and, at the same time, not castrate myself socially. ![]() Though in my mid-forties, I’m still in touch with that awkward boy who often felt trapped in the unpredictable currents of teenage experiences. In the spirit of transparency … I get it. Recently I asked these kids a simple question: “How many of you have found yourself in situations where things started happening that you weren’t comfortable with, but you stuck around, mainly because you felt like you didn’t have a way out?” This also comes with the bittersweet knowledge that these kids still have a fighting chance while several of my friends have already had to bury their own children. I’m always humbled and honored to get this time with these beautiful young souls that have been so incredibly assaulted by a world they have yet to understand. I’m talking teenagers who are locked away for at least six months as they learn to overcome their addictions. UPDATED – )įriends, as most of you know, I get to spend an hour each week with a group of young people going through addiction recovery. (As seen on The Today Show, Good Housekeeping, HerViewFromHome, ScaryMommy, The Huffington Post, Mamamia, MomsEveryday, and numerous social and news media outlets.
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